Reminiscing 34,000 ft above the planet I realized that although I have an amazing life and family, there are things that I struggle with that soon I hope to remedy.
This past weekend I flew to Colorado Springs to join my family in celebrating the life of the sweetest woman, our Aunt Helen Eppley, whom we recently lost. It was a difficult but joyous time for her family who adored her so. These rare times together mean so very much.
While in my twisted reality the flight had been booked with much trepidation that had nothing to do with a fear of flying. So here begins the list of the many things that demonstrate how the “weight” weighs me down.
Flying: let’s face it, my clothes are bigger, thus packing is usually not in an overnight bag. I check my larger roller that houses my larger clothes. No overhead bag for me on a weekend trip. Next I spend my “thought” time from the very second I book the flight until I arrive home again worrying whether the seat belt will fit. I don’t wish this on anyone. I was so fearful about this trip that I actually ordered a seatbelt extension on Amazon to carry with me, just in case the seat’s own belt didn’t reach across my lap. Now you’ve probably seen these, the flight attendants use them to demonstrate how to properly use/wear a seatbelt, like we’ve never been in a car before. Once the pre-flight safety demonstration is complete they are happy to let you borrow one of the sample belts to use as an extension during the flight, but it is beyond embarrassing to have to ask. Luckily on the four different legs of this particular trip, I didn’t have to utilize the extension I secretly hid in my tote bag even once. “Audible sigh of relief” I never want to have to do that again.
Squatting: I have mentioned in earlier posts how when I want sit or need to get down on the floor that I always require a strategy. I must know exactly how to get up, what props to use in order to levitate my mass. This also means that I cannot kneel nor can I squat. My knees have been worn and the fat in my thighs prevents these normal actions. I often watch other just crouch down to small kids, animals or to even clean the floor and I do this with great envy. The floor is not my friend.
Making myself smaller: As I composed this post I was curled in a huddled mass in the corner of my seat during the flight from Colorado Springs to Houston. I am very aware of my size, at all times, and never want to make others uncomfortable so a make myself as small as I can so not to invade another’s space. It is very uncomfortable and requires me to hold muscles tense and compact as I can. No joy, no rest.
Baby got back: Something interesting is how my butt affects my life. As I have expanded so has it and that creates different challenges. On the upside it does make me taller in my seat thanks to layers upon layers of padding, whether I am a desk or table or driving in a car. Sadly it also causes discomfort as my spine is always at an odd angle in order to fit my girth into chairs, sofas or any seating. At these times my back, thus my spine is not properly aligned as it should be. This makes me a bit cranky and sore. I constantly suffer from numbness in my left thigh that I am certain is a result of how the weight affects the spine.
Sleevage: Ok, this may border on TMI. I’ve broached the butt subject, now I’m moving on to boobs. As my weight has increased there has become an abundance of breast tissue. As mentioned in a previous post, the mere existence of breast tissue resulted in having a to endure a precautionary heart cath not long ago. Some may not realize that our breast tissue isn’t just what goes into our bra cups, but also includes the tissue that extends under our arms. This is the difference between cleavage and sleevage. Sleevage is the fat under your arms that causes a cleavage look when you are going sleeveless. I never thought I’d say this but I am looking forward to great reduction in both!
Crossing my legs: Can’t do it! Thighs are too big, enough said.
So I have given you a small, nasty taste of my world as a fat woman. Now as a non-caloric treat, I am hoping to have a happy announcement later this week. Stay tuned for more to come!