This weekend being Father’s Day, I figured what better time to drop a bombshell, I reached out to my family to share my intentions. I was met with much love, support, understanding and concerns.
They have watched me make many, many attempts through life at losing weight. They have celebrated my successes and were not critical with the eventual re-gain. They have provided incentives, ideas and financial support as I tried each new program, including the path of diet and exercise. This makes me want to take this new journey for them and to see my body help me succeed!
You may wonder what that means “to have my body help me succeed.” As many times as I have lost weight, my body and brain have always allowed me to regain without the consequences of obesity-related illnesses that many face. With the gastric sleeve, my body will resist many food types and limit my intake with consequences should I make the disastrous decision to eat the wrong things or too much. I believe that with a physical response to bad choices, I will empower myself and my willpower to succeed.
One thing I would like to share is the most difficult parts of being morbidly obese, yes I still have a challenge with saying I am fat. You may think it would be not being able to shop in “normal” stores, not being “seen” in social settings, being belittled by some of the men I have dated because I think in their minds they believed they were in control because they felt they were doing me a favor in dating me. Well, as crappy as this all may sound, it ain’t the worst of it.
I am someone who is pretty sensitive to smells and I am always conscious of how my body smells, thus showering daily has always been very important. I don’t like the feel of my own skin on skin, where rolls of fat sit on other skin. I try to make sure that I have some sort of cloth in between it because it is a terrible feeling. My friends will remember the “boob” towel that is always tucked under after I get out of the shower and I am getting ready for my day. Sleeping has become a challenge, because it isn’t always easy to find a comfortable position. I have to have extra long washcloths to make sure I can reach every place on my body, because intimately, I cannot reach the areas during the day that most people can. Please forgive me for sharing that, but it is important for me to be completely honest. Lastly, the floor…I do not get on the floor because I cannot kneel, due to the weight and if I get to the ground, I have to already have an “exit strategy” in order to get back up.
Thank you for letting me open up today about the difficulties. My appointment is one week from today, I am excited and nervous about this next step.